Opening the Jar

Ever have one of those days or weeks when you feel like you can just take over the world? Everything is possible and nothing is out of reach as long as you put your best foot forward. I hate (no I don’t) to sound like an “You get a car!” commercial but this is that week for me. I guess you can say I started off on the right foot and was able to keep stepping up the right way. The minute you put aside little details that bring nothing to your life but stress or frustration, you make room for new ideas that can bring self-fulfillment. Besides even Maslow & the Pursuit of Happiness admitted this is the ultimate goal in life, it’s all about reaching that place, wherever IT may be, that you feel the best about yourself. I’ve said it over and over that the laws of attraction is something I strongly believe in. Surround yourself with positive people or even ideas and it will encourage you. This particular week I’ve had time to evaluate so much that has been bothering me and how I’ve let it be in my way. It took me long enough but I’ve decided to place that energy back into myself and shell out all these thoughts, plans that have been living in my mind for way too long. It’s kind of funny but it took me opening a damn jar of tomato sauce (sorry for all the Italians who get offended by not making my own sauce) for me to see that this week has been going great. I have no idea what the correlation there is, maybe it is that I open the jar by myself? One of those  “Rosie the Riveter” check out their website! moments?  Whatever it was, it’s a undeniable feeling that I am high on.

 

Ask & At 30th You Shall Receive

Yes the dreaded 3-0 is here. I have arrived to the third floor and been force to shed off my 20s. I knew this day would come and now it is here, but not without its harsh lessons, clear future and kind of a tug of what life really is… as oppose to what my hopeless romantic 20 idealistic self thought. It is a bittersweet feeling turning 30, it means you are no longer the twenty something who can get away with it simply because you are at that age. At the same time, it is an age of realization. I figured throughout my twenties that maybe I am not on the path I set out to initially be because of decisions I made on my own. Some of them right, but a lot were wrong.

Career wise I wish I would have had a bigger sense of urgency to know that I wanted more. This probably would have pushed me to start early on, but I was a little too busy preoccupied in other reckless twenty something schemes. Love? What can I say about that… I have chosen some people who were not wrong for me, something I may have known from the start. This was either based on their actions or ironically at times, the guy being honest and saying “I don’t want a relationship with you”. Then there is admitting your own fault in relationships you’ve been in, forgiving yourself and saying ‘hey I’m human’ instead of punishing yourself or worse, allowing others to do so. Friendships? Some have become stronger which I treasure so much. Others? Kind of gone or in the process of dying. Trust is another biggie… people will lie to you and it will hurt. It will hurt like hell but it is the moment where you need to ‘let go and live’. There is no other choice. Spitefulness is not the answer towards any of it, that will only result in you feeling like a bigger asshole for intentionally hurting the other one. Patience? You learn to let that one grow and to pick your battles. I am stubborn as hell and know for sure this one is the hardest one for me. There are so many moments I wish I could go back and tell little twenty something me “loosen that grip, something better is coming along”. Another lesson for me and till this day is another bittersweet one is the uncertainty that comes with getting older. You don’t know what will happen and as much as you plan or try to defend yourself from whatever life will throw at you, at the end of the day you really just don’t know.

I will always have questions that I know don’t have answers, but hopefully my 30s will teach me to live those questions out instead of sitting, pondering about the many possible answers. The biggest one of all will always be losing my father, I will never find the reason for that one and even if I did, something tells me I probably would not believe it. Just like I will never understand why I didn’t listen to my inner voice when choosing a career path I initially wanted and instead opted to go to what I thought would be the “sure thing” aka safe road. And yes what is it all without love, I will never know the answer if certain relationships I have been in really had a point? I mean did I really have to be with Mr. Wrong for that long? Was Mr. Wrong in fact, Mr. Right? Was it me all along who has the problem? Who knows… but 30s are for saying screw it, throw your hands in the air and keep walking. All this is now stuff of the past and while I wish I was woman enough to say I will forgive and forget some of it, I am woman by admitting I won’t forget it all and instead, will allow it to make me that much stronger.

So while I have kicked and screamed at the thought of becoming 30, I have to now celebrate myself for the individual I am and allow myself to be celebrated by others the way I deserve to be whether it relates to career, love or anything life may decide to hit me with this upcoming decade.

Be Definitive.

I think it had been a while since I had genuinely just felt happy for no apparent reason. I hate to be the girl who admits it’s over a guy but hey that’s life, it is filled with emotions that we have to face and then let go. Best way to do that? Keep yourself busy. Allow yourself to give your mind room for new ideas. I think for so long I have been focusing on wanting to mend a broken relationship instead of just work on me. I have a long way to go and a list of both big and small goals I want to achieve. For some dumb reason, I thought I needed someone by my side to do this which I don’t. Yes there are moments where I think I got lonely and I was acting out on those emotions. It was definitely clouding my judgment, making me believe that going back to something that wasn’t right for neither of us was what I wanted or better than nothing. But call it a crazy snap or whatever, I just woke up and all of a sudden feel this whole new sense of relief. I am not sure what it is yet but I am going to use the following months to figure it all out. There are a couple of hobbies I have been wanting to get into that I keep saying and don’t do it, one if them involving fashion. The older I am getting the more I admired and love it. Been wanting to buy a bicycle even though I have the balance of a five year old kid (they probably can ride it better than me) and yet haven’t done it when I have all the time in the world.

But yes back to today, it was just one of those days where I felt good and just positive. I have been dwelling on such pessimistic thoughts that I am really wasting my time in doing what I want to actually do. I hung out with this random person I kind of know from a place I frequently hang out because so close to me and she gave me the best advice I have heard in a while. It is okay to try at something and fail or be rejected but then be definitive, move on and go find what is right for yourself. It doesn’t necessarily apply to just relationships but every aspect of your life whether it be jobs, friendships, self fulfillment. It was such a simple little message. Be definitive.  It resonated with me and made me want to follow that path.

Already I have decided to take a few steps, some that I do not want to mention yet until I actually see myself putting them into effect. Guess I am challenging my own self at this point. I mean if you really look at it, your life is what you want to make of it. Not to sound like some cheesy line in a Tom Hanks movie or something, but if you take a negative road then that is exactly what it will lead to. More and more I have seen that when you do things right, surround yourself with positive people, you start to believe in much better things along with making them happen. And hey people call me a dreamer (that sounds like it is from a song) but it is the crazy ones who dare to who are sometimes the happiest people. So here’s to trying and working like crazy to start a new chapter in my life.

Sweet Dreams

The other day while at a wedding one of my best friends since childhood sent me a text that totally threw me off guard. It really just knocked the breath out of me. I don’t talk about him a lot but it was about my dad.

In her text, she told me how she debated whether to tell me not knowing how it would affect me but decided to anyway. She had this dream where she saw my dad. She said she remember so vividly what he was wearing down to his jeans and tee shirt. She said he was in an office type environment and they were sitting next to each other. My friend told me they shook hands and she proceeded to ask about my mom to which he pointed in the opposite direction from his. She told him she would mention it to me that she saw me to which he simply reply to her, “Just tell her I’m fine”.

Close scene. After that she drew a blank. Crazy how a lot of my close friends have all had similar dreams about my dad. Common part in all of them is he telling them to let me know he is okay. I miss him everyday. Some days even a little more than others. I miss calling out to him and how much effort he would put into teaching me new things. My mom and him while alike were different and I like to think my dad and I had a special father/daughter relationship. One I miss every single day and probably always will. Still, hearing about a dream like that brings a bittersweet feeling.

Mind: Friend or Foe?

Your mind has a funny way of working with you or against you. I will use my friend “Jenny” as an example. Dear sweet Jenny has quite the vivid imagination. As of recently she is hooked on making assumptions and when it comes to her current relationship her mantra seems to be “guilty until proven innocent”. While I get she has been burned (haven’t we all) and has her reasoning for drawing such conclusions out of thin air, it isn’t exactly the healthiest way to go about it.

My advice to her? I am in a whole different place as far as relationships go, but objectively I don’t think the new guy has done anything that deems him guilty for sins or bad habits the old guy committed. One shouldn’t blame or judge a certain part or situation of their life based on the previous. There is a big difference between learning from experience and blaming based on experience. It doesn’t mean that you cannot enter a new stage of your life with an open mind. Yes, you should be a bit wiser and aware. That’s a given. Yet to let your mind steer you in a negative way as oppose to a new and positive outlook is a big no no. One that will probably result in you making the same mistakes. So while we should all be smart and learn from the mistakes in our past, we also cannot have a preconceived notion that every situation will play out the same. That kind of mentality leads to not taking chances and being open to change.

Friends with Intuition

We all have our group of friends, some of which we are particularly more close to than others. Everyone has that one friend that without saying a word, seems to just know what to say or do, or even know the right time and ask you randomly if you need to hang out. In the past two days, I have encountered two of my best friends who without really knowing, have fulfilled their friend duties in doing little things to make me feel better. While I don’t talk to people about my love life a lot, it is no secret that it isn’t exactly one that leads to marriage or even the kind to be on a road of planning a trip together. In other words, I was basically in a “serious” relationship that has no aspiration of reaching long term status. I guess my vibe has definitely been a little down and out and my friends took notice to it.

Still as open as I can be, I am not an open book with a lot of my personal relationships to my friends, I do the whole “everything’s fine” or “we are great friends”. Sometimes I may be telling a little white lie. Other times, I simply want to avoid unsolicited advice. It made me think, while right now I am kind of mourning a lost relationship and friendship, friends are definitely a girl’s best accessory. If you let them, you realized that a lot of them won’t judge you or even your significant others for your mistakes but simply want to see you be happy. Especially those who are in healthy relationships. I never realized that until recently but when you surround yourself with friends who have a growing, positive, loving relationship… well, it makes it clear to you that it is the kind of thing you also would want for yourself. I guess I can say I am feeling very thankful to be able to open up about certain things to some of my closest friends throughout the years… and then start the grueling process of moving on. Especially when life seems to keep pushing you in that direction.

The “Visualization”

For most people, it all started out with the famous book, The Secret. It stressed on the importance of visualizing your future – the dream board. Corny? Yes. But it works. Everyone knows that it is human nature to need constant visualization of your goals. It serves as a daily reminder of future goals, no matter how big or small.

I’m not any different than most. I read the book and thought – genius. Even more than anything, I believe in the Laws of Attraction. If you constantly believe in the good and attract good vibes as well as give them out, I think that you welcome positivism. As oppose to those other people, the ones one the dark side who always see the glass half empty and when someone else is doing good, their immediate response or reaction is only to compare or belittle. As much as times we can’t help but maybe feel a little jealousy (again we are all humans here, right?), it is important to always be happy and wish others well. Hey they’re  just like you, with the same amount of hours in a day to make it happen.

More and more, I realize how having a visual of the things you want helps you to work that much harder for it and not lose sight. I will say that as time passes I’ve had to unpin a few and add a few. That’s life, as time passes, the things that really matter or you truly want change with age.

So print it, cut it, visualize it and go for it.

So said Sir Newton.

 

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”…  said the famous Isaac Newton.  I don’t know if he was solely relating that to physics and mathematics but it can be applied to every day life.  Sitting around “wishing”, “dreaming”, or “hoping” something could happen that IS within your reach is a waste of time.  It takes every part of you to go for what you want. It is simple to just want things but if we don’t take the necessary actions, might as well just lay around and watch life pass you by. A recent life lesson I have learned  – learning – is that the biggest reward you get is not from others but yourself. Even when it comes to helping, sadly some people will not feel thankful but instead look at you as if your duty to do it with nothing in return. While this may be downright rude, there is truth to it. Hey even the big G above said that sometimes you have to commit kind acts and expect nothing in return.  Of course, we are not divine, we are human beings and we WANT to feel that special feeling but like I said, I am learning that just comes from inside. Be satisfied with yourself and what you are doing.  In time, your efforts will pay off.  As for other people, to each his own.