Thank You Colombia.

To say that my trip to Colombia was amazing is an understatement. They say sometimes life or something even greater pushes you to make changes you sometimes are too stubborn to make yourself, this trip reminded me of that. It’s kind of funny that I actually thought I didn’t want to go, yet the minute the plane landed I immediately felt this is what I needed. One of my friends says it’s almost as if you went to a retreat and came back a new person.

I don’t think it has anything with me being new, I’m still me just see things a lot differently. I got to have different experiences this time around, did it have to do anything with me being single? I don’t know, my cousin seem to have pointed it out. Honestly, I never realized that in the past even though I would visit I either went with a boyfriend or my mind was focused on the person I was dating while miles away. It was a breathe of fresh air when come new year the clock strikes twelve and for just one split second all I thought was…. “Wow no happy new year”. Then it’s like I blinked and realize NEW year. I definitely spend the last two months trying to have control of a situation or caring about someone who had made the solid choice to move on. It is a horrible thing to admit but hey it is the truth. Being far away and opening up my eyes, heart and whole self to this I instantly started to feel better. I decided to stop taking things personal and focusing more on how I react to stuff that happen or don’t happen in my life instead of trying to control them. To each his own. I say that all the time yet I wasn’t being that person who believed it. I was putting my energy in all the wrong places. Crazy how going away and being around loved ones can just make you feel better and open up to the idea of the kind love and person you want standing next to you. Truth is, I’ve always known but I got stuck on making the thrill guy the real thing. Big mistake. I don’t blame him as much as maybe some of my friends would want me to but more myself. I did that a lot through out the relationship to the point that when it ended the person I made it harder on was just me. Going away I was able to finally do the one thing I hadn’t been able to do in a very long time. It may seem little but that small feat was to forgive myself. The second I did it’s like I learned to let go and let be.

Add a dose of meeting new people, beautiful days, unforgettable nights and I just started to feel different. From beach days filled with my crazy family to crazy fast and furious nights. My country revived me and gave me such a positive energy back. I know how cheesy that sounds. Even my own mother was surprised, it felt good to hear her say how different I was while there.  I will admit the minute I got back on the plane to return I was a little scared because of the many ideas I had flowing in my head. Then I realized, it was the good kind of fear. I got an adrenaline rush I needed to feel desperately feel again.

So far, the word for this year or let’s say – month – has been: spontaneity. The good kind.

Commit: To Engage Oneself

I don’t know what it is about the past couple of days, I seem to be the “go to” girl on relationship advice. I find it a bit humorous considering I am not the role model for a healthy relationship – nor have I been in a stable one for the past months. Left and right I am always getting advice from different people telling me what I should do or the way to be when it comes to moving on to “the next one”.  Yet every now and then, people open their own emotional closet and need me to listen, I find it that no one has it quite figured out. In one way or another most people, often than not, are scared to enter something new. I think the fear can come from what commitment means. It isn’t simply the promise of being exclusive with just one person. Exclusivity means a lot more… it is an agreement to love and let yourself be loved in every way possible and with all entitlements that come with it. By entitlement I don’t mean that you allow yourself to become a piece of property for him or her, I mean that you allow yourself to be open to being vulnerable, sharing both the good and ugly no matter how yucky it may seem, goals, future … pretty much the whole enchilada. Because if we have to be totally honest, what is the point of entering a commitment if you are not fully committing? Funny because long long time ago I meant this person whom I barely even remember if woman or man, but I don’t remember what this individual told me… “Life isn’t as hard as people say it is. People are the ones who complicate it.”

Truer words have never been uttered.

Mind: Friend or Foe?

Your mind has a funny way of working with you or against you. I will use my friend “Jenny” as an example. Dear sweet Jenny has quite the vivid imagination. As of recently she is hooked on making assumptions and when it comes to her current relationship her mantra seems to be “guilty until proven innocent”. While I get she has been burned (haven’t we all) and has her reasoning for drawing such conclusions out of thin air, it isn’t exactly the healthiest way to go about it.

My advice to her? I am in a whole different place as far as relationships go, but objectively I don’t think the new guy has done anything that deems him guilty for sins or bad habits the old guy committed. One shouldn’t blame or judge a certain part or situation of their life based on the previous. There is a big difference between learning from experience and blaming based on experience. It doesn’t mean that you cannot enter a new stage of your life with an open mind. Yes, you should be a bit wiser and aware. That’s a given. Yet to let your mind steer you in a negative way as oppose to a new and positive outlook is a big no no. One that will probably result in you making the same mistakes. So while we should all be smart and learn from the mistakes in our past, we also cannot have a preconceived notion that every situation will play out the same. That kind of mentality leads to not taking chances and being open to change.

The Relentless Butterfly

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…”

Just Jump

It can be very easy to get discouraged especially when one part of your life isn’t working exactly up to par. But the more I read on different people, both from the past and today I realized that in cases like this they threw themselves into their passion or work. I wouldn’t exactly say fashion is my big thing but more the business part of it. There are times where I am even tempted to go back to school to get a certificate in entrepreneurship but then I think I already have the tools, it’s more of just throwing my all into it. Trying Trying Trying.  Making it work and constantly being the one thing in my mind. In life, we tend to let everything get in the way. I mean that is life. I think this year i wanted it to be somewhat easier and just flow but I noticed I have let a lot get in the way of things that I want. Biggest obstacle of all has been myself and having confidence in following my intuition. Still the butterfly wasn’t born flying in one day and if I know anything is I am not the kind of girl who will stick to the ground… maybe I should be more but it wouldn’t be me. So for now I really need to just throw myself into achieving long term goals and know that it is the little things that will get me there. It’s all about the details.