Commit: To Engage Oneself

I don’t know what it is about the past couple of days, I seem to be the “go to” girl on relationship advice. I find it a bit humorous considering I am not the role model for a healthy relationship – nor have I been in a stable one for the past months. Left and right I am always getting advice from different people telling me what I should do or the way to be when it comes to moving on to “the next one”.  Yet every now and then, people open their own emotional closet and need me to listen, I find it that no one has it quite figured out. In one way or another most people, often than not, are scared to enter something new. I think the fear can come from what commitment means. It isn’t simply the promise of being exclusive with just one person. Exclusivity means a lot more… it is an agreement to love and let yourself be loved in every way possible and with all entitlements that come with it. By entitlement I don’t mean that you allow yourself to become a piece of property for him or her, I mean that you allow yourself to be open to being vulnerable, sharing both the good and ugly no matter how yucky it may seem, goals, future … pretty much the whole enchilada. Because if we have to be totally honest, what is the point of entering a commitment if you are not fully committing? Funny because long long time ago I meant this person whom I barely even remember if woman or man, but I don’t remember what this individual told me… “Life isn’t as hard as people say it is. People are the ones who complicate it.”

Truer words have never been uttered.

Judge Yourself

Certain times in your life you are presented with a situation where you can’t help but think a contradicting notion – I am both way too old and way too young for this. It’s that line in the middle where instead of wanting to go with either options, you rather create your own option. Is it instinct or your gut telling you to go a certain way? I don’t know. All I know up to now, is that you are going to encounter situations in your life where it is okay to feel how you do. You should not feel guilty or dumb, or even that you are wrong for this just because someone else says it. Only person who knows you best is yourself.

We live in a world full of people who like to play the role of judge. Everyone wants to hold the gavel and have an opinion of what they think is right or wrong for you with no regards to your truth but only their own. Now I am not saying you shouldn’t listen to people, I am simply saying to take their opinions into consideration (if you want to) but be your own person and go with your own. These people who cast judgment usually live in a world where only their truth is the right way and what you do or say does not matter. These particular folk are a hard bunch to change so there are times where you can either stress it or realize it is not up to you to try to change THEIR opinion or perspectives on life but your own. Spending so much time getting your point or feeling across can be a waste time in these scenarios. The cliche actions speaks louder than words exists for a reason.

The In Security

“The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure,  but to be able to tolerate insecurity.”  – Eric Fromm

This quote carries so much truth. Other than God himself, there is just no way a person can never NOT feel a certain ping or pang of insecurity. You just do. Life can hit you with so many obstacles or difficult situations that you find yourself having moments of doubt and uncertainty. Insecurity from others, on the other hand, is a whole different matter. If you have ever stumbled upon a very insecure person you can’t help but feel the negativity and jealousy they reek of. These kind of individuals are not ones we should be threaten by… quite the opposite. You must see them for who they are or may be at the moment, which is a reflection of their own weaknesses and fears. You can’t let the judgment or distorted view of someone else consume you just because they might be in an unhappy place themselves. People who are insecure have the tendency of putting others down simply to make themselves feel somewhat matter about themselves. Sad but true. So you can either soak that all in or just move on from it and leave them in their OWN rut, not yours.  At the end of the day, all you can do is change your reality, not someone else’s. I only wish more people realize this.

Case of Mondays