Judge Yourself

Certain times in your life you are presented with a situation where you can’t help but think a contradicting notion – I am both way too old and way too young for this. It’s that line in the middle where instead of wanting to go with either options, you rather create your own option. Is it instinct or your gut telling you to go a certain way? I don’t know. All I know up to now, is that you are going to encounter situations in your life where it is okay to feel how you do. You should not feel guilty or dumb, or even that you are wrong for this just because someone else says it. Only person who knows you best is yourself.

We live in a world full of people who like to play the role of judge. Everyone wants to hold the gavel and have an opinion of what they think is right or wrong for you with no regards to your truth but only their own. Now I am not saying you shouldn’t listen to people, I am simply saying to take their opinions into consideration (if you want to) but be your own person and go with your own. These people who cast judgment usually live in a world where only their truth is the right way and what you do or say does not matter. These particular folk are a hard bunch to change so there are times where you can either stress it or realize it is not up to you to try to change THEIR opinion or perspectives on life but your own. Spending so much time getting your point or feeling across can be a waste time in these scenarios. The cliche actions speaks louder than words exists for a reason.

The In Security

“The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure,  but to be able to tolerate insecurity.”  – Eric Fromm

This quote carries so much truth. Other than God himself, there is just no way a person can never NOT feel a certain ping or pang of insecurity. You just do. Life can hit you with so many obstacles or difficult situations that you find yourself having moments of doubt and uncertainty. Insecurity from others, on the other hand, is a whole different matter. If you have ever stumbled upon a very insecure person you can’t help but feel the negativity and jealousy they reek of. These kind of individuals are not ones we should be threaten by… quite the opposite. You must see them for who they are or may be at the moment, which is a reflection of their own weaknesses and fears. You can’t let the judgment or distorted view of someone else consume you just because they might be in an unhappy place themselves. People who are insecure have the tendency of putting others down simply to make themselves feel somewhat matter about themselves. Sad but true. So you can either soak that all in or just move on from it and leave them in their OWN rut, not yours.  At the end of the day, all you can do is change your reality, not someone else’s. I only wish more people realize this.

Wonderland

Most people find themselves in this road after graduation (whichever one that may be) or even later in their 20’s. I’m the latter. In many aspects. Lately I have this ongoing frustration and feelings of anxiety which I know has to do with the fact that I see my friends and acquaintances actually figuring their lives out while I am still left with a question mark. It be a little bit easier if it was just one thing, but it’s not. Makes it that much more complex because you just honestly, don’t know where to start or what to change.  Feeling a lot like Alice lately in search of that mysterious white rabbit.

Look Around

 

You know they say if you want something done, you need to do it yourself. A lot in this world may be a mere opinion but this much is true. Lately I’ve been getting this overwhelming feeling of anxiety mixed with frustration. Of course in the wee hours of the night I figure out where this comes from: my surroundings. I’ve said it before yet have not practice it “if you want success, surrounded yourself with successful people” or least people who want it. The crazy, ambitious type who just don’t stop. The ones who are not content with everyday life but are looking for a better sense of self-fulfillment.  Don’t mean to get all psychological but hey Maslow was on to something. Some people want to go up the pyramid while some are just happy with the first three. I am not. I think I want to be but I realized I am one of those people who needs a push, a mentor … shoot I don’t know, just some source of motivation that keeps me going. When you have people around you who don’t care or are okay with letting life pass by because everything just happens to work out for them, you will slowly let yourself fall into that same trance. My thing is to each his own, but figuring this out should be an a big indication of changes to make. Life is way too short to not actually live it.

My Biggest Critic

Me, myself and I. It’s hard not to judge yourself and feel others won’t do same. But the older we get , the more we come to terms with the fact that while we make mistakes, we are not our mistakes. I’ve always said it’s easier to believe the bad than the good – to think you are not a good person because of your many flaws. That isn’t the case. As human beings we are all flawed. It’s how we continue to live everyday despite and with these flaws that makes us stronger individuals.  Even with rejection… after getting a door shut at your face several times  you can think ‘well this is it’. But look at how many amazing people dealt with an insurmountable amount of failure only to come out on top?  No matter how cheesy it may seem, if you want something in life you have got to be your biggest fan, cheerleader and believer in order to make it happen. Of course, we are human and will have bad days – horrible days – that bring us down but in reality… it really could ALWAYS be worse. The great thing about living is that while you’re on this earth alive and kicking, everyday you get another shot. That alone should make you wake up in the morning, thank the Man above for your blessings and seize every little moment.

Clarity

It’s very easy to sometimes let something go on because you are hoping for good or simply just for change. But the older we get, we learn to see things for what they are. It turns out that they are not always what we want them to be. Doesn’t make it any less special or memorable, it just makes it that much more real. For a very long time I have notice that I have always been the type to hold on and fight. I have always been a believer that all is fair in love and war. But in both you have to know when to throw in the white flag. If not for them, for yourself. The end of something is always bittersweet. The bitter part is the realization that this chapter is over and no matter how much you keep trying to go to next page, there’s not much more to write. The sweet part is knowing that you get to start a whole new one. The right thing can truly suck at times but that’s what growing up is all about. Realizing when you are wrong, knowing that continuing a certain route is wrong and deciding to end the wrong thing that at times may have felt right. But after the yucky part, then you find your real clarity. You come out a person who made a mistake, learned a lesson and can move on. In this case, when you know what you want, don’t settle for anything less than something amazing (or at least close to it).

 

 

 

My Chemical Romance

Alright here I go again relating to yet another movie but I can’t help it. It made me think of a similar situation. Once upon a time a while ago I was incredibly and utterly obsessed with this guy.  Hmmm… let me rephrase that, I was obsessed with the IDEA of who this guy could be. It took me a while to figure out that it was just a romance.

In the movie Last Night with Keira Knightley, her character bumps into an old flame whom she always loved but as life tends to turn out, she was already happily married with a great guy (ehhh watch the movie).  Her character definitely highlighted on a certain aspect of the relationship that seem to have resonated with me. For such a long time, I thought me and this so called flame were meant to be or had some sappy, hopeless notion that everything we went through happened in order to push us together.  Not exactly. He was just one of those people who came into my life temporarily to teach me something. Sadly, I didn’t really know what the lesson was at the time or I did and I was just blindsided by my own yearning to want it to be more. I never actually admitted it out loud but when I heard one of the characters in the movie speaking about it I couldn’t help but replay the memory reel. Basically this kind of romance is the one that is amazing and overwhelming when it happens, but the truth of the matter is that myself and this “love” of mine never did actually spend more than one hundred days together. I don’t even think our days together would add up to a whole month. It was just one of those. It went further into another aspect of our on and off romance (I use to call it a relationship) being that we were great in that single moment. In real life, it seem it was always destined to have an expiration date.  Back then, I couldn’t tell myself that… now I see that if we ever really tried (and we did), the both of us couldn’t really stand alone as a couple. It’s hard to explain but it’s like you need the whole “can’t be with each other but you should and it’s not going to happen” feeling. Again, I didn’t see it then but I learned a lot from this little so called romance… he actually opened up my eyes about other people in my life as well as how a man should actually treat a woman. Most of all, I will never forget the one phrase he used “do not dwell on the past”.

(Of course it had to be from The Notebook)

Granted we don’t talk to each other anymore and it didn’t happen in a bad way, it just did. We died out. I think we simultaneously realized that it was time to let it go.  Of course I hear about him from time to time, I wish him well and I am actually happy for the guy. Still the moral of this post if anyone does read it, is that sometimes people come into your life for a bit and it may seem that they stayed for a while but after that purpose is fulfilled, it is okay to let them go.  You can’t take everything in life personal even when it appears to be, it has a funny way of working out. That and most of all, and this is something A LOT of girls tend to do, do not dwell on one failed romance and make it the reoccurring foundation when meeting new people in your life.

In the words of the awesome Alanis Morissette, “you live, you learn, you love, you learn“.