Fast Forward

Alright so where am I from my depressing post last week? Definitely in a different place. If time heals all wounds and helps you think clearly then I am approaching just that.

“I cannot tell a lie…” like the famous George Washington said, I still miss my ex. Even so, I am in a much better place and I can feel it. I am starting to feel good about certain things in my life and things I want for myself despite the whole feeling of missing him. To sit here and say I don’t would be complete bull. Still, I have had sort of a cool week. I have been able to focus and work on so much that I might have not done in the past or put aside. In addition, yes this is a cliche, I am going to the gym and working on taking some classes. Hey, if you are going to go through something tough like a break up why not put some of that juice to good use. You know the saying, life gives you lemons make lemonade or maybe a margarita? LOL wow I am full of the cheesy one liners today. Even on the drinking note, I have been the sober one for some time now, more so just to be able to have my head on straight and not let my thoughts get the best of me. Being a homebody has its perks where you can just feel how you do and no one can tell you other wise. Once I started to shed some of that and look forward, I have been getting excited about different things. I mean things I did not even realize I wanted. Possibilities I did not realize I had.

Why? It is not all due to the break up but maybe who you were in a certain relationship. Me, for instance, I was someone who didn’t know was putting a lot of plans and opportunities on hold because I wanted my significant other to catch up not really knowing what it meant that he is just in a whole different place and space. Any who back to me, being on my own comes with a certain freedom I never took into consideration. I saw it as a bad thing when it is anything but that. I am starting to see how much I wanted to do just for myself. See that is the thing about relationships… if you get lost in them in an unhealthy way, you lose a sense of who you are and become your own obstacle.

So where am I now? I am a work in progress. I am enjoying my newfound freedom and everything that comes with it. Aaaah but with this also comes responsibility. I am responsible to no one but myself to find my own happiness and sense of self-fulfillment.

That’s my post break up wanna be Gandhi rant for now. 

 

Opening the Jar

Ever have one of those days or weeks when you feel like you can just take over the world? Everything is possible and nothing is out of reach as long as you put your best foot forward. I hate (no I don’t) to sound like an “You get a car!” commercial but this is that week for me. I guess you can say I started off on the right foot and was able to keep stepping up the right way. The minute you put aside little details that bring nothing to your life but stress or frustration, you make room for new ideas that can bring self-fulfillment. Besides even Maslow & the Pursuit of Happiness admitted this is the ultimate goal in life, it’s all about reaching that place, wherever IT may be, that you feel the best about yourself. I’ve said it over and over that the laws of attraction is something I strongly believe in. Surround yourself with positive people or even ideas and it will encourage you. This particular week I’ve had time to evaluate so much that has been bothering me and how I’ve let it be in my way. It took me long enough but I’ve decided to place that energy back into myself and shell out all these thoughts, plans that have been living in my mind for way too long. It’s kind of funny but it took me opening a damn jar of tomato sauce (sorry for all the Italians who get offended by not making my own sauce) for me to see that this week has been going great. I have no idea what the correlation there is, maybe it is that I open the jar by myself? One of those  “Rosie the Riveter” check out their website! moments?  Whatever it was, it’s a undeniable feeling that I am high on.

 

From Past to Future

New Moon …. the time to plant new seeds and encourage yourself to make goals or let go of those trials and tribulations that seem to have a hold of us. It is almost a sign of a new beginning that apparently happens on the 11/11 date. Not sure if true or not but no harm in believing in something good.

If this is true, as they say, then it explains why today has been one of those days with racing thoughts that have been clouding my mind all day long. I’ve had the opportunity to have a lot of time to myself this week. Ironically along with this new moon date, this week I have been doing some fall cleaning or as I like to call it “purging”. Some people go out dancing or play some sport in times of stress or just feeling out of it; I, on the other hand, like to take it all apart and put it back together. Sometimes just getting rid of even the most random of things in your everyday surroundings makes you feel better. It gives you that feeling of allowing something else in your life, something good that has been blocked by clutter you surround yourself with. In the past few days, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this past year. It is insane that just yesterday it was January and I had come back from trips where I made certain promises to myself. I broke a lot if not all of them, something I am not proud of.

I am an eternal optimist at heart and want to believe in the good in people and situations. If I’ve learned one lesson this year is that point of view has sometimes gotten me in trouble or worse, thrown me back into previous cycles that have been either destructive or hurtful. It is easy to get caught up in a situation where you think sticking it out will make it better. The intentions here are good but at what price? Sometimes being patient and too giving of your time will cause you to be adhere to that situation. It is almost as if you’re in this stagnant time zone where since nothing is changing you keep reliving what you swore to move away from.

So if today is true and about new beginnings, then the seed I am planting today is that of being an individual who is not scared of change. I always thought I was so open to it but it is not until recently that certain decisions have made me realize how terrified I seem to be of it. Still, after certain time all I know is that this fear will only hold me back from the things I want in my life. Hopefully from here on out I can make this seed grow and blossom to everything I truly want in my life. I want to not be scared and to allow myself receive the good things, the kind of out of this world amazing stuff I deserve in all areas of my life.

New moon… start letting that light glow.

About “George Clooney”

No, this post is not about one of my all time man crushes … it is about business. I have been reading a lot of articles as of late to find ways to perfect my website for my online store as well as attract more shoppers. Well I have to admit Shopify does a kick ass job in making some suggestions on how to do this. I never took this into consideration but so many people DO read your “About” page. I am one of them. I love to do online shopping which probably influenced me to take a stab toward this very hard, entrepreneurial road. My advice so far is that sometimes it’s the little things that make a HUGE difference. Check out this How to Get a Date with George Clooney (Or Write the Perfect Ecommerce About Page) on tips on how to make a great page. Especially to all those looking to start an online business. It can be tedious, time-consuming but definitely a lesson towards establishing yourself as an independent business owner.

Back to Blogging….

It seems as if I took a sabbatical from writing – but it was unintentional. If anything I should have kept to it and maybe even go back and read some of my previous mumbo jumbo. I realized I don’t do it for the enjoyment of others but just myself. It definitely is a way to let out all the thoughts that roam around in my mind. So after a very long time going without one of my favorite past times, I will try to go back to my blogging ways, even if it means nothing to no one and every thing to me. Besides, there was some truth to Bridget Jones and her infamous diary… sometimes it is just a means to let all the crap out.

Ask & At 30th You Shall Receive

Yes the dreaded 3-0 is here. I have arrived to the third floor and been force to shed off my 20s. I knew this day would come and now it is here, but not without its harsh lessons, clear future and kind of a tug of what life really is… as oppose to what my hopeless romantic 20 idealistic self thought. It is a bittersweet feeling turning 30, it means you are no longer the twenty something who can get away with it simply because you are at that age. At the same time, it is an age of realization. I figured throughout my twenties that maybe I am not on the path I set out to initially be because of decisions I made on my own. Some of them right, but a lot were wrong.

Career wise I wish I would have had a bigger sense of urgency to know that I wanted more. This probably would have pushed me to start early on, but I was a little too busy preoccupied in other reckless twenty something schemes. Love? What can I say about that… I have chosen some people who were not wrong for me, something I may have known from the start. This was either based on their actions or ironically at times, the guy being honest and saying “I don’t want a relationship with you”. Then there is admitting your own fault in relationships you’ve been in, forgiving yourself and saying ‘hey I’m human’ instead of punishing yourself or worse, allowing others to do so. Friendships? Some have become stronger which I treasure so much. Others? Kind of gone or in the process of dying. Trust is another biggie… people will lie to you and it will hurt. It will hurt like hell but it is the moment where you need to ‘let go and live’. There is no other choice. Spitefulness is not the answer towards any of it, that will only result in you feeling like a bigger asshole for intentionally hurting the other one. Patience? You learn to let that one grow and to pick your battles. I am stubborn as hell and know for sure this one is the hardest one for me. There are so many moments I wish I could go back and tell little twenty something me “loosen that grip, something better is coming along”. Another lesson for me and till this day is another bittersweet one is the uncertainty that comes with getting older. You don’t know what will happen and as much as you plan or try to defend yourself from whatever life will throw at you, at the end of the day you really just don’t know.

I will always have questions that I know don’t have answers, but hopefully my 30s will teach me to live those questions out instead of sitting, pondering about the many possible answers. The biggest one of all will always be losing my father, I will never find the reason for that one and even if I did, something tells me I probably would not believe it. Just like I will never understand why I didn’t listen to my inner voice when choosing a career path I initially wanted and instead opted to go to what I thought would be the “sure thing” aka safe road. And yes what is it all without love, I will never know the answer if certain relationships I have been in really had a point? I mean did I really have to be with Mr. Wrong for that long? Was Mr. Wrong in fact, Mr. Right? Was it me all along who has the problem? Who knows… but 30s are for saying screw it, throw your hands in the air and keep walking. All this is now stuff of the past and while I wish I was woman enough to say I will forgive and forget some of it, I am woman by admitting I won’t forget it all and instead, will allow it to make me that much stronger.

So while I have kicked and screamed at the thought of becoming 30, I have to now celebrate myself for the individual I am and allow myself to be celebrated by others the way I deserve to be whether it relates to career, love or anything life may decide to hit me with this upcoming decade.

Wednesday Wisdom

Sometimes in life when we are looking for something – anything – we find it. It is not always pretty but intuition has a funny way of pushing you until you unfold whatever it is you wanted to. From there on out, there are two options of what you can do with this new found piece of information. You can either dwell on it and constantly look at it for all the ugly that it is and can make you feel. The other option, you can take the blindfold off and be enlighten by the truth. The whole cliche …. “the truth shall set you free”. Well it is not entirely inaccurate. Sometimes even someone’s else truth makes you feel free. It can be ugly yes, hurtful at times…. but if anything it teaches us lessons. It pushes you to look at what you can learn from that and make sure the pain you feel is not in vain. I recently was force or yet put myself in a situation where I did have to open my eyes and accept a situation I had no control over. While for a brief second, I felt completely helpless and a little insane, I am not sure when it happened that I notice there is change to be made and it is by me. Something about that brings me some inner, indescribable peace. So I guess today was one of those days where I woke up and realize that I need to be more honest with myself and those around me. I need to go back to this little piece I was kind of letting slip away without reason. Every now and then it happens, especially when other people kind of influence it but we need to remember to go back to our own roots. I am going to be 30 in a couple days. It really is the end of an era, an era where I was that twenty something girl who held on to things that hurt her as oppose to just saying “fuck it” and move on. I told myself while away in my home country that I can only focus on how I allow things to let me feel, everything else I can’t control. I think once we accept that it teaches us to deal with whatever comes our way in a much better state of mind. So here is to taking the blindfold off and keeping my eyes wide open.

Work Hard = Play Hard

I have had days before where my productivity level may be at its peak and I just don’t take advantage of it. As human beings, we have the tendency to let distractions get in our way… especially when these distractions seem much more fun than work. I am just as guilty as these people, there are moments where I may be on a streak and instead opt for some day or night out that throws me off my game causing me to kind of lose that “spark” I had ignited. Still it is something I am trying to focus more on this year especially if my #1 on my to do list happens to be to place more effort into having my life filled with what’s valuable to me as oppose to others.

Ever since I got back from what seem to be two trips full of little life lessons here and there, I allowed myself to have that one week for just me and going with the flow mentality. That week is done and I am much more interested in having some kind of plan. I know it may sound contradicting especially for a girl who has started her year filled with nothing but spontaneous moments. I am not saying I want to avoid these, I am simply saying that I need to be able to find a common ground that allows for both. I know it’s common among twenty somethings to blur those lines, hey I am/have been one of them. Still, I have notice it is about being able to take the fuzzy out and see the clear image. I have a whole year ahead with actual goals I intend to attain, so time to follow Wiz Khalifa’s mantra…. even though he may not be the best role model in the world, the words are true.

“Love Dovey Christmasy” Kind of Day….

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…. mistletoe in the air, couples rushing to create that romantic moment that requires kissing underneath this timeless “kiss me” ornament. It’s very hard not to want to buy into the lovey dovey hoopla of it all. I am particularly feeling the “Christmas Love Bug” today. Maybe I am just having THAT kind of day which I know will inevitably happen here or there. My house smells of chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate, it’s cold outside and I had this yummy, hot Pho earlier which is my absolute fave comfort food. A few of my favorite things makes it hard not to want to cuddle with some one else other than my cute little doxie. He seems to be my loyal companion these days, well always. Still you can’t help but want that kind of love, the special kind, during the holidays. This is probably what people mean by cuffing season, something that usually occurs in places with real winter where it IS actually freezing temperatures all season long. That kind of weather is a threat to all who are single and wish nothing but to keep it nice and warm…. without the help of someone else. Oh well like I said, these nights will tend to happen, all we can do is feel them out. For the time being, nothing a little chocolate can’t help to soothe it all .

San Fran… I love your style.

On my recent trip to San Francisco, I was able to check out this beautiful city filled with some truly interesting people. The city and the people itself are definitely known for their flamboyant ways as well as not giving a damn. It was such a great all around vibe different from what I am use to. It was a lot more of a “to each his own” city. Not to mention, it has some of the most gorgeous neighborhoods I’ve ever seen. The Painted Ladies alone was quite a sight and not just because the neighborhood itself reminds me of one of my favorite childhood show, Full House.

Napa Valley is officially one of my favorite destinations. The scenery is beyond beautiful and breath taking to the max. And the weather… wow. That is all I got to say. Ladies, this is the town for great hair – this is coming from someone who lives in a very humid state. Being able to visit it with close friends was such a great recipe for a lot of memories and tons of laugh. Something I desperately needed, along with of course a few glasses of wine.

All in all, it was an amazing trip in a beautiful city I cannot wait to return to. I can’t fully describe it, you just have to go. It is also a reminder of how getting away and enjoying different people and their cultures, their perspective on everyday life can help you see things in a different manner. It reminds you to enjoy life and take it all in. I am already looking forward to my next trip…. hmmm where to?